The pool opens very soon as summer 2018 is just a few days away. Frankly I'm too lazy to look at the actual date, so click here to check it out for yourself. We have lots of parties planned, sun burns expected and hotdogs to BBQ. It's going to be a great summer.
We are also very excited about our latest club investment. If you've driven by the pool you probably noticed we replaced the remainder of the cedar fence. The new fence is a composite material which should last forever, or until some idiot drives through it. It's wicked expensive, so we will not be providing toilet paper this year. But I think its worth it. We also leveled out the grass adjacent to the pool to offer more soft and plush grass.
More 2018 announcements are coming soon. You should begin to mentally prepare yourself for the crazy.
It's time to register for 2018 Junior Tennis Team. You might be thinking it is a little early for this. And you'd be right. USTA likes to move this date up a couple of weeks every year. Tennis associations are right up there with teenagers - you have no clue what they are thinking.
So click here to hop over to the AK website and register now.
Registration for Tennis Lessons is also open. It's just a tennis kinda weekend!
We offer a whole bunch of lesson types for all types of students. From toddlers to middle aged men who drink while they play, we have you covered. Everything you need to know is on the AK tennis page.
I spend all day on it, so the least you can do is take a look. I get paid by the click.
Click here to jump to the AK website to learn about our 4 summer sessions.
Applewood Knolls is now taking applications for summer staff. Our lifeguards are the backbone of our club helping with safety, cleanliness and idiot management.
There are a few basic requirements:
If you meet these guidelines, know someone who does or just want to see the hysterical the lifeguard application, click here.
March 1st is behind us and new members are now being added. We have sent out a few invites to those on the waitlist. We will continue to invite new members until those final few slots are full!
Returning members who have been in a Netflix induced trance should contact us NOW to save your spot.
If you are on the waitlist, please stand by! We are working our way down the list!
Summer is coming!!!!
If you are a returning member, please register by March 1st! New memberships will be offered starting at 8:00 that day!
If you have not received your registration email, please click here and a carrier pigeon will be released with a note to a small farm in Wisconsin from where we manage all memberships. (We love cheese).
Our 2018 Summer Membership drive is officially underway.
Every year I like to name the membership drive so I can complain about it like an underperforming child. This year's drive is named Hoover. So far Hoover has been chill and there hasn't been to much to complain about. But I suspect Hoover is just getting started, and by the end I'll want to send Hoover off to a military academy in Mississippi.
If you are a returning member and have not gotten an email from Applewood Knolls, please let us know.
If you are on the waitlist, and there are over 650 of you, be patient. We will begin invites on March 1.
If you are reading this and you are a North Korean operative who found my briefcase, "The chair is against the wall and John has a long mustache."
1. Pool hours have been updated to reflect the Jeffco School's schedule.
2. Staffing these last few weeks is hard because lots of our guards go back to school or prison.
3. Evening sunlight is lame and it is hard for the guards to see the bottom of the pool where most bad things happen.
4. Not a lot of people go to the pool after school starts which can result in 3 guards watching one swimmer.
5. Winter is coming.
Thank you for your patience as we slog through these last few days of fun.
If you're lucky enough to not know that school has started or that the summer days are getting shorter, let me be the first to say to you that I want your life. Please contact me immediately.
Additionally, as the pool year draws to an end, let me remind you of a few logistics and things.
1. Sunlight is hard to come by - So what you say? Well, this means it is actually hard to safely guard the pool in the evenings. The guards cannot see the bottom of the pool and that's no bueno. Our guards are instructed to close the water when they no longer feel they can do their job's safely. Please respect their decisions and support them in working hard to keep you safe. Expect the water to close earlier and earlier this week. If you have issues with this please contact Kathy Sabine or your favorite weather pro.
2. Lost and Found is Huge - Pretty soon you will forget what your beach towel even looked like. And don't get me started on goggles. Please come by for a last change to get your stuff.
3. Super Important Topic Goes Here - I really didn't have anything else. But it seems like I should have 3 things to tell you and I don't.. Here is a great cat gif to reward you for reading this whole email.
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